Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Can getting her gifts buy you her love? - ARTICLE

Here is the deal:

Buying her gifts does not buy you her love.

Guys easily fall into too much romance.

They hope that flooding her with kindness and good intentions will make her theirs!

The thing is that it raraley works that way.

It puts you in the pursuer's shoes and and she becomes the sought.

Once these roles are established in this manner her game quickly becomes to try to get more from you while giving you less.

This is a dead end and you quickly feel frustrated whne you go that way.

If you are thinking of supporting her financially in any way, stop right there!

Ask yourself these simple questions:
  • What exactly do you expect in return?
  • Is she given it to you?
  • Is this unspoken agreement clear between the two of you?
  • What if she meets someone else 2 months from now?
  • Is she totally commited to you? What if she is not? Would you still give her this money?

I coached many guys who ended up trapped in these patterns when they try to get their power back after she breaks up with them.

What strikes me is how frequently a girl might break up with you just after you take the step and decide to lend her money for a new business venture or new studies.

It looks like once she used you as a stepping stone to get what she wants, she simply pulls back and totally loses interest in you.

If you don't want to fall into this trap, progress with caution and realize that if you need to "buy" her love, would you still call this love?

Would you stay with someone who wants you for your money?

What? Did you just say "YES!"???

I agree!

Yes, sometimes it can work!

It works because your money is part of your personality, right?

It actually tells a lot about your character.

Your material foundation is NOT like some separated part from who you are.

So, yes! You can totally date a girl and realize that a big fraction of the attraction is about your wealth.

It would be foolish to believe that money or material wealth play absolutely no part in the dating equation.

Simply stay awake and play this game with awareness.

Here is what I suggest:

If you feel inspired to help her financially, start with a small step and observe the impact this has on your relationship over the following couple of weeks.

Does that step increase attraction between the two of you or do you see problems and frustration rising?

Is she thankfull for what you did or does she suddenly behave in emotionally abusive ways?

Check this out and if you feel the path is secured, then sure... You can always go for bigger steps.

Always keep in mind the questions I asked earlier:

  • What do you expect in return?
  • Is she given it to you?
  • Is this unspoken agreement clear between the two of you?

To your power!