Monday, June 08, 2009

She goes for after work drinks with her male colleagues - ARTICLE

One key strategy: Do the same!

The moment you have your own set of female admirers, believe me, the whole power balance in your relationship shifts.

The reason you feel threatened by her going for drinks is because you feel left out.

Many guys hate their job and have zero opportunities for interesting social interaction within the work environment!

If she's having the time of her life, you might feel that it's simply not fair, right?

So! Boost your social connections and make sure that amongst them you have a couple of very attractive females.

This is REALLY THE ULTIMATE strategy in this situation.

Don't wait at home for her to come back and unload the details of her latest discussions with her male admirers.

Instead take proactive steps and start connecting with females fearlessly.

No shame! No guilt!

Remember that the key boundary in your relationship is probably: "No intimacy with someone else".

Having a chat with a female friend is NOT cheating.

It is chatting!

(funny how close to these two words are cheating-chatting... Is this a coincidence? ;))

Anyway, chatting IS ok!

Never feel guilty for connecting with a woman, no matter how attractive she is.

This is the type of action that can actually trigger a whole chain reaction of interesting conversations with your girlfriend or wife.

For instance, if she hears about it and starts feeling slightly insecure or challenges you about it, here is what you can say:

YOU - "So, you think that I should not speak with other women than you???"

HER - "Well... She is obviously into you otherwise she would never have given you her number..."

YOU - "So, you believe that you meeting your male colleagues after work is different?

HER - "Absolutely! They are just friends..."

YOU - "So, if I was working with a VERY attractive female colleague and I was going with her for drinks after work, you would be ok with that?"

HER - "Well... I would need to be sure that you won't cheat on me!!! When a guy spends time with a woman there is ALWAYS potential for something more!"

YOU - "So, when you have a chat with a male colleague, there is always potential for more???"

GOT YOU!

You see? Right there, you just nailed it!

That's called reversing the situation.

You just made her understand EXACTLY how it feels to be in your shoes when she is at a bar having a drink with colleagues.

Now, you are not saying that she has to stop.

You are saying that:
  • A few words of reassurance in your direction might help.
  • She needs to understand the exact boundary between what is ok and what is not.
  • If she does it, she needs to be able to take it the other way round as well.

My point is that the moment you decide to do the same, it forces her to look at her own patterns + come up with relationship boundaries that work well for both of you.

If you simply walk to her with a needy voice and ask her who these guys are, you will feel totally powerless in this conversation.

She will put you down and smother you with an "Oh... They are just friends... Do you feel threatened by that??"

You don't have to beg!

Take the step and simply practice the reverse strategy!

Meet your own set of female friends and observe carefully what happens next...